Some things come and go over the years, but some things stay with you forever. Sam was on his way home from a friend's house, fiddling with her iPod to get a good song on to set the mood for the twenty minute drive home. While in the process of finding a song, a thought slipped through her mind. Her thumb froze on the click-wheel, her eyes frozen on the white screen of the iPod. She sat up in her car seat, gripped the wheel like it was a life-line, and stared off into the night. Her eyes were wide, she could feel her heart thundering in her chest, hear her blood flowing through her veins. It was happening again. Fear gripped her on the edge of hysteria. She couldn't move, couldn't think straight; crap! "Get a hold of yourself Sam. It's just a memory. Nothing more. He's not here right now. He's not here anymore. Breathe, just breathe" Step one: Assess the situation Step two: Take deep calming breaths. Step three: Drive home as fast, and as safely, as you can! Sam blinked away the tears that had welled up in her eyes, put the car in gear and drove off. She hit the freeway and thought of nothing for as long as she could. The meditation sessions with her friend paid off in situations like this. The emptiness, the blackness, the stillness; it filled her until there was nothing left. The drive home became like a distant dream, as if she wasn't really the one behind the wheel, remembering all those horrible thoughts, those memories. Pull into the driveway, put the car in park, open the door, close the door, lock the car, open the gate, walk up the porch steps, open the door, close the door, walk to room, flop on bed, go to sleep. It was so not real, so robotic. The minute she stepped into her room, the emptiness filled in, the blackness became light, and the stillness became motion. The veil fell away so quickly that it knocked her off her feet and she found herself on her bed, and blacked out. Sam woke and found herself clutching, clinging to her pillow that her fingers were sore from holding on for so long, so hard. Her throat was all scratchy and wispy and she realized that the screaming she heard before she blacked out was her own screams. The dream was as black as the paint that covered the canvas in her studio; there was no room for light. She sat up in bed, and stared at her room. Stared at everything that had her spirit, her insignia, her mark on it. Everything she saw was a part of her, a part of who she was, where she came from, what she's been through and what she's seen. Closing her eyes and taking a deep breathe, she let last night's little breakdown come flooding back. Opening her eyes and letting out that breath, she let the emotions flow through her and fill her. It had been a year since her last "episode" and even then it didn't hit as hard as it did this time. Why was it happening again? Why now? "Every time I think I'm free, every time I'm happy, something has to come in the way of that and ruin it! It's not fair!" she exclaimed to the room. "It's over, it's done. It's over, it's done" she repeated to herself over and over again until she found herself rocking back and forth while still sitting in her bed.
Buzz. Buzz. Buzz. Buzz. Buzz. "Ugh! Leave me alone!" Sam got the phone in her hand and was about to throw it across the room, but she saw a glimpse of the name and number on the screen. "No...no...no no no no no!!!!!!" The phone lay on the bed, completely harmless as it continued to buzz waiting for someone to answer it, while Sam crawled away and watched the phone through horror filled eyes as if it was a giant bug about to break out of its shell and chase her.
It was him.
The buzzing stopped, then one quick buzz to indicate that she had a new voice mail. Dialing her in-box, punching in her password and she heard the voice she thought she would never hear again. The message said:
"Hey Sam, it's me, Zach. It's been a while and I just wanted to say hey and see how you were doing. Listen, I'm gonna be in town for a little bit and wondered if you'd like to grab lunch sometime or something. I'm staying at this fancy hotel in downtown with some name I can't really pronounce. Here's the number you can reach me at if you want to get in touch. Hope to hear from you soon. I missed you." Click.
I missed you. Those three words kept playing over and over in her head until she thought her head would explode. She had to do something. She had to get away. She had to tell someone, otherwise she would pick up that phone, make the call and find herself in a deep, dark hole that she could have avoided. But who to call? Steven didn't live here anymore, Genevieve was away at school until the weekend, Anita was at work the whole day, and Claire was sick and moody. No, the only person she could talk to right now was Genevieve, and even if she was two hours away, she would drive there and see her best friend.
"Hey Sammy! Whats up?"
"Hey Genie. Are you busy?"
"Sammy, whats wrong? Don't tell me nothing, 'cause I can tell by the way you answered that something's wrong. What is it?"
"Genie I need to see you. I need to talk to you. Can I come down?"
"You're lucky Sammich. I don't have much work to do this week and the prof's didn't assign anything for the day so c'mon down!"
"Thanks Genie. I'll be there soon. And make me a sammich when I get there. I'm gonna need it."
"You got it hun. It's why I call you my sammich. See ya soon!"
"See ya."
Sam packed an overnight bag just in case she decided to stay the night with Genie in her apartment. She left a note for her mom saying where she was and why she left, briefly, reassuring her she would explain everything when she got home.
The drive felt like forever, alone in her car with nothing but her thoughts to run amock in her head causing her to nearly hyperventilate a few times. When she finally got to the apartment, Genie dropped everything and ran to the door and gave her a hug. God knew she needed one.
"Girl what the hell happened?! You look like you just saw a ghost."
"You can kinda say that."
"Explain." That one word, with Genie looking at her that way, like she could see the real story written behind you so if you tried to lie she would rip your head off.
"Tony's in town. He called and left a message on my phone saying he wants to meet up for lunch....and that he missed me."
"He WHAT!? That two-timing, low life, dickwad, rat eating, lying sack of shit!! Who does he think he is calling you after what he did to you?!"
"Genie, Genie GENIE!"
"WHAT!?"
"Calm down. I haven't called him, but God knows I wanted to. I called you right after he left the message. Genie I'm scared. I don't want to see him. I don't want to hear from him. I just want to be left alone. I want to be happy, I want to stay happy. I haven't had an episode for a year and now I have one last night and then he calls. What am I supposed to do?"
"I'm going to tell you what you're going to do. You're going to stay with me until the weekend. It's only two days away. I'll get through classes and we'll head back down together. I'll stay with you and we'll do everything together, just like old times. No thinking about Tony and what happened. Understood?"
"Yes ma'am!"
"Perfect. Now that you're back to being yourself, at least for now, go get cleaned up and lets go to the beach. There's something I want to show you."
About an hour later, after they were both full and ready to go, they headed out the beach where Genie took Sam to a secluded part a little off shore and showed her this little cove. There were markings, drawings, paintings, everywhere all over the walls and plants and roots. Every space was filled up, except for one little spot to the right of the entrance where a lotus flower was about to bloom. Genie got out a little carving knife and some paint, carved into the rock G&S BFF. She watched Sam the entire time she did it, wanting to remember every detail, every emotion that crossed her best friends face as she made the last bonding step of their relationship. Genie had always held back a little part of herself from Sam for a long time. She loved her friend immensely, but she had trust issues. She knew she could trust Sam, but she never knew how much until today. The fact that Sam had called her, out of all the other friends she could have called, meant the world to her. It meant that Sam really was her best friend forever. I mean, c'mon, they've known each other for almost sixteen years now.
Genie led Sam out of the cove, holding her hand the entire time. When they reached the mouth of the cove, the sky outside had gone from blue to pink with dusk. They stood there, watching the sky and Sam let herself cry as she breathed in the salty air. She clung to Genie as if she would never see her again.
They both understood. No words needed to be spoken. Even though they didn't see each other every day like they used to. Even though they both had made new friends and new social circles. Even though they were both leading different, but similar lives, didn't make their bond any weaker. If anything, it made it stronger. Sam understood what Genie had done today. Genie understood what Sam needed all along. They had a history like none other. Like the saying goes Some things come and go, but some things remain forever.
